Breathe
by AStarDanced77
Summary: Edward leaves Bella one morning to go hunting. When he gets back, why won't she wake?
1. Ahunting he must go

BPOV

It was official. I was coming down with something.

Edward was going to freak.

It was probably only a cold. I had woken up with a sore throat and a tickle in my nose. It wasn't even surprising really. My body had dealt with so much – depression, stress and then the three day dash to Italy. My lack of appetite during Edward's absence had severely drained any resources I had. Really, the surprise was that the cold had taken so long to show up. It always happened. As soon as any stress was over, BAM, a bug of some kind would appear.

If I was very lucky, he would never need to know. He had left this morning to go hunting with Emmett for a couple of days. I had practically had order him out of the house. I hated having him away from me. The hole in my chest seemed to grow bigger every minute when he was gone, making it harder for me to breathe. But he needed to hunt and, though he denied it, he needed to spend some time with Emmett. Edward was angsty enough at the best of times; since our return from Italy he had progressed to downright maudlin at times. He needed a bit of Emmett's _joi de vivre_ now more than ever. If he knew that I was sick, I couldn't have pried him away from me with a crowbar.

The first time he had left me to hunt after Italy had been horrendous. Edward had been subsisting on local forest animals. It was obvious even to me that they were not enough; his eyes were constantly black. His family had been trying to persuade him to hunt properly with no success. Alice had kept me filled in on the details –Edward refused to discuss it. In his eyes, I could see same panic that I felt at the mere thought of being apart.

Typically, Emmett and Rosalie decided to take matters into their own hands. Without warning, Rosalie had whisked me into the house one day (more carefully that I would have expected) while Emmet had tried to grab Edward and head for the mountains. Edward had evaded Emmett and had been about to break down the front door and tear Rosalie apart with his bare hands when Carlisle finally put a stop to it.

After that, Edward and I had had a long talk. I got my act together and hid my dread of his absence, insisting that I wouldn't eat my dinner if he didn't have his. Alice had sworn on her entire shoe collection that she wouldn't leave my side for a second and Emmett had attempted to redeem himself by offering to patrol the property to ensure no evildoers (who he left unspecified) could find me. After considerable resistance from Edward (Carlisle had actually threatened to "dock his allowance"), he had finally agreed to go hunting with Esme. I suspected some silent guilt-tripping on Carlisle's part.

Edward had only been gone four hours but I had spent the entire time sobbing in Alice's arms. Thankfully, she had warned me in enough time to pull myself together before he returned. Alice swore that she had neither told Edward nor thought about it in his presence but I wondered. His eyes had been pitch black for days before he agreed to go hunting again. I had eventually told him that I was inviting Alice and Angela over to do makeovers and that if he was in the house, I would let his sister paint his toenails.

So this morning I had hidden my pain, physical and emotional, smiled brightly and kicked him out of my window first thing. I stood and watched and told myself to get a grip as he disappeared into the forest. Then I had dosed myself with vitamin C and hoped like hell that the cold would just go away.

EPOV

I sped through the trees as fast as I could. I had held off as long as possible but I just couldn't stand it any longer. I needed to see her. My Bella. This was the time when the crystal clarity of vampiric memory was a curse. The nothingness of life without Bella pressed down on my chest. When I wasn't with her I couldn't concentrate; I could barely breathe. I had made it through the first day by concentrating on the happy memories, remembering her smile, the way her face lit up when she saw me. Those memories brought a torture of their own. I ached to see her, to touch her, to feel her touch me.

I burst out of the trees and there it was. The portal to my every dream come true. Bella's window stood open, though the night was chilly, a silent invitation only for me. There was no light. She would not be expecting me tonight and it was already past 1:00. I dashed up the conveniently placed tree and slid in her window.

Bella never failed to take my breath away. _It's a good thing I don't actually need to breathe_, I thought, chuckling to myself. She lay on her bed, her dark hair splayed across her pillow and pale skin glowing in the moonlight. She looked too beautiful to be real, an angel that I still could not believe could have been sent for me.

As I gazed at her I realised that something was wrong. She was too still and too silent. Her heartbeat, the most significant sound in my world, was too fast. Her lungs laboured over every breath. I could actually hear the blockages as the air whistled around them. I crept to her side and picked up her hand. Her skin felt hot and dry against mine. I pressed her tiny hand to my lips, willing her eyes to open and put my rising fear to rest, but she didn't move. I leant over to kiss her forehead. The heat burned my lips and sent a shock through me. Surely she was not usually this hot.

I shook her gently. "Bella? Can you wake up, sweetheart?"

There was no response. I shook her again, a little more forcefully, but still nothing. I held her torso in my arms, begging her wake.

Nothing.

My years of medical training had never prepared me for the sight of the woman I loved, limp and unconscious. Even my perfect vampiric recall couldn't compete with the panic fogging my mind. All I could see was her face swimming in front of my vision. All I could hear was the air catching in her congested lungs.

_Carlisle_, I thought. _I need Carlisle_.

"Keep breathing, my love. Just breathe. I'm going to get you some help."

I gathered her frail body in my arms and jumped out the window.


	2. Flying

BPOV

I felt as though I was flying. My dreams were usually vivid, but this time I could actually feel the wind rushing through my hair. Other than the whistling air, the silence was complete. I felt peaceful and strangely calm. I wasn't worried about the impossibility of flying; there was so much in my life that was impossible that flying could just get in line.

I lost myself in the sensation. Edward was my life; having him back meant that I could breathe, that I was no longer afraid to feel. But the path of our true love was not strewn with rose petals. Charlie was openly hostile to Edward, making no secret of his disapproval. He rarely spoke directly to Edward, and when he did it was to tell him to leave. He never referred to Edward by name. I was becoming very tired of hearing the words "that boy" (which, had Charlie but known, could not be further from the truth). Charlie had even rung the school to try and have me moved from my classes with Edward. Fortunately that ploy had failed.

My time at school was no bed of roses, either. Those first days back with Edward had resulted in the kind of scrutiny that made me want to hide in my locker until the day was over. I hated being the focus of that much attention. Edward had not been accepted back into the student body with open arms. Even Angela, kind and forgiving as she was, had regarded him with distinct disfavour. That had only lasted a few days until she could see how happy I was. Then, she and Ben began to share lunch with us and all became normal again. But, weeks later, Edward still tensed every time Mike Newton walked past us. I didn't need his gift to know what he was hearing.

As for Jake...... He wouldn't answer my calls and I didn't know if Billy was passing on my messages. I had considered sending him a letter but I didn't think he would bother to open it. I couldn't even go down to La Push and bang on his door until he opened it. After my disappearing act, Charlie had grounded me indefinitely. It looked as though I had regained my love, only to lose my best friend. Yes, my life was sufficiently fraught that the feeling of floating weightlessly amongst the clouds was very welcome.

Eventually the wind slowed. Ah, I must be coming back down to earth. That disappointed me – I was really enjoying the flight. A part of me wondered why my feet weren't touching the ground; the rest of me just didn't care.

I heard a voice speaking; it seemed far away, at the end of a tunnel. _Good grief, could my subconscious be more clichéd? _In my trancelike state it sounded like my angel. That didn't make sense because I knew that he was off hunting in the mountains with Emmett, and my dreams were usually a reflection of my reality. But what did I care? I would just enjoy my angel's voice until he came back to me.

With that thought my dream turned dark. I was pulled back to a time, not many weeks ago, when I had thought he would never come back to me. Hot fire ran through my veins, wracking my body and I struggled to breathe. I wanted to run, as fast as I could, away from this feeling, back to my feeling of weightless flying, but I was paralysed by the pain. My heart thumped rapidly, a driving beat that shook my body and pounded brutally through my brain. I was pinned in place, helpless to the onslaught of my own body.

A blinding light flashed in front of my eyes, breaking through my paralysis and I cried out.

EPOV

Bella's body felt light, insubstantial in my arms. I could hear her breath whistling through her restricted bronchioles. What could possibly have happened in my absence to cause this? I was trying not to panic and failing miserably. If I had a heart, it would have been pounding with sheer terror. I was scared, as scared as I had been watching Bella stand before the Volturi. Before I could only guess; now I knew how it felt to think I had lost her. I would not survive a second time.

I should not have left to go hunting. I should never have left her, period. The first time I had hunted after our return I had thought I might actually go mad from being away from her. I hadn't wanted to go at all. I was managing fine on whatever prey wandered too close to Bella's house while she slept. But after Emmett's ridiculous "intervention", I couldn't hide the concerns of my family from Bella any longer.

She had actually threatened to go on a hunger strike if I didn't hunt. She told me she "wouldn't eat until I did". It was a ridiculous threat; one that she had no hope of following through. But I hadn't needed Carlisle's silent warning to know that any more weight lost by my Bella would be downright dangerous. She had always been delicately slender but during my absence she had become horrifyingly frail. My vampire senses had no trouble calculating her exact weight loss and every pound lay heavy on my silent heart. I swore to myself yet again that I would never stop trying to make amends for my worst mistake.

I burst out of the trees and slowed as I approached the house. I cradled Bella in my arms as I made my way up the stairs, searching at the while for Carlisle's mind. I could only pray that he was even at home.

"Carlisle?" I called softly, trying not to startle the angel in my arms.

_Edward?_ The thought was startled. _When did you return? Is Bella with you?_

"Carlisle. Something is wrong with Bella. She won't wake up." I couldn't get the rest of the words out. They were lodged in my through with the lump that I couldn't shift.

Carlisle raced down the stairs to my side. _Bring her into my study._

I hurried into the room after him, set her down gently on the sofa then moved out of the way so Carlisle could examine her. My arms felt empty and cold without her in them; bereft as I was without her. Carlisle was speaking to me again. I struggled against the panic to focus on what he was saying.

_What happened, Edward? How long has she been unconscious?_

"I don't know," I whispered, feeling helpless. "She was fine when I left. I came back early. When I went to her room she was like this. She wouldn't wake up, even after I picked her up. I didn't know what to do, so I brought her here." I looked at him pleadingly. "Tell me what is wrong with her."

_I'll find out, Edward,_ Carlisle promised. _You need to keep calm._

I tried to throttle down the panic as Carlisle began his examination, noting Bella's elevated temperature and laboured breathing. Each symptom catalogued in his mind sent the panic spiralling up again as my medical training supplied endless hideous possibilities; all of them deadly.

As if she had heard me, Bella's heart rate rose higher and her breathing became more laboured. My own breath stopped as, impossibly, my fear increased. I couldn't breathe or think or live without her.

_Pass me my light and thermometer, Edward,_ Carlisle commanded, breaking through my fug. I obeyed him, my shaking hands causing me to fumble for the first time in my vampire existence.

Carlisle gently pulled up Bella's eyelid and shone the torch in her eye checking her pupils' responses. Simultaneously, Bella moaned and Alice crashed through the door.


	3. Silence

Carlisle POV

I sat quietly, enjoying the silence that enveloped me. Of course, there was not complete silence; that was impossible with vampire senses. But the small sounds were soothing – the creak of the house as it settled, the gurgling of the creek and the hush of the trees as they moved minutely in the calm night. It felt peaceful; it was home. It was almost as if we had never left. As if the house had not been empty for months. As if we had not left a young woman behind us, bleeding and broken.

But we had. There had been plenty of silence in the months that we had been away but none of it had been soothing. All too often Esme and I had been alone, our children scattered across the Earth. Emmett and Rosalie in Europe. Alice and Jasper tracking her family. And our Edward was just lost. We had rarely heard from him and when we did he could barely bring himself to speak.

Every minute without him had been painful. It brought back the memories of the first time he had left. Though we had tried to carry on as normal during the day, some nights Esme and I had just cuddled together for comfort, wondering if our family would ever be whole again. We missed them all and we missed Bella. Esme mourned the loss of the girl she had hoped would become another daughter and I grieved for Edward's lost chance at happiness.

As parents, Esme and I had led a charmed existence. We were safe in the knowledge that little could hurt our children. I had worried over their emotions, their weaknesses; over Edward's self-loathing, Rosalie's self-esteem, Jasper's struggles with his appetite and the heavy burden that foresight placed on Alice. We had always tried to be available to them for guidance or support. But we had never worried about their physical safety. As a doctor I had spent many hours counselling families who feared the loss of their loved ones, but I had never truly experienced that fear.

Until Edward went to Italy.

For three excruciating days I had existed in sheer terror. Not only for Edward; Alice and Bella were risking their lives to save him. Jasper had disapproved of Alice's decision to see Charlie in the wake of her vision of Bella's jump. They had argued before she left, a highly unusual occurrence. Being helpless to protect his wife from danger had torn my empathic son apart. Watching Jasper's emotional control deteriorate before my eyes, I had known without a shadow of a doubt that if it ended....badly, I would lose three children not two.

I shook my head. Those times were in the past now. Our family was back together, thanks to Bella. I could never sufficiently express my gratitude to her. It wasn't quite a happily ever after yet but I had hope that it might be. I had offered to change Bella to spare Edward the agony of performing the change himself, but I did not regret my offer. Edward's opinion aside, I knew his soul existed, shining bright, and Bella was what he needed to be whole. I could not deny Bella her greatest wish when I _knew_, with deep certainty, that she was Edward's salvation.

I was about to return to my book when a voice caught my attention. "Carlisle?"

_Edward?_ I had not expected him back from hunting with Emmett until the evening. _When did you return?_

A familiar scent wafted up the staircase towards me. _Is Bella with you?_ It was the middle of the night, scarcely the time for a visit. My mind returned to her last midnight visit to our house. Had she changed her mind?

"Carlisle. There's something wrong with Bella. She won't wake up."

I catapulted myself out of my chair and raced down the stairs. Bella was lying limply in Edward's arms, her dark hair splaying under her like a waterfall. She looked so very fragile. She hadn't been regaining her lost weight as fast as I hoped. It seemed my private worries (which I had carefully hidden from Edward) about the damage our absence had caused were well founded.

_Bring her into my study._

Edward followed behind me as I raced back up the stairs to my study. He laid Bella gently on the sofa, his hand lingering slightly on her hair, before moving back to allow me to examine her.

_What happened, Edward? How long has she been unconscious?_

"I don't know. She was fine when I left," he whispered, his gaze firmly fixed on his beloved. "I came back early. When I went to her room she was like this. She wouldn't wake up, even after I picked her up. I didn't know what to do, so I brought her here." He tore his eyes from her face and looked at me properly for the first time. His expression begged me for help. "Tell me what is wrong with her."

_I'll find out, Edward,_ I promised. His face was etched with panic and his body was frozen. I had to prevent his terror from infecting my judgement. _You need to keep calm._

I knelt next to Bella and began my examination. I tried to tune Edward out as I focussed on Bella's symptoms. Her temperature seemed higher than usual and she her breathing was obstructed but what concerned me most was her unconscious state. I did not trouble to fetch my stethoscope; with no human witnesses I did not need the props to hear into Bella's lungs. A fond smile teased the edge of my mouth as I remembered explaining my love of medicine to a conscious Bella yet again in need of my skills. I had told her then that I liked using my heightened senses to save life instead of taking it.

All my senses. It was amazing what smell could tell me. Scents too fine for humans to register could show me internal bleeding, the first hints of gangrene or fluid in the lungs. Even something as simple as identifying low blood sugar could be incredibly useful in formulating a diagnosis. As Bella exhaled again I breathed deeply, trying to identify anything unsual. In her breath was a trace of an unfamiliar scent which teased at the edge of my memory.

As I was trying to place the scent, Bella's heart rate began to increase. I wondered if she was reacting to my examination. Though I did not need my stethoscope, a thermometer would make an accurate reading of her temperature easier.

I half turned, with my hand outstretched, expecting that Edward would anticipate my need from my thoughts. Instead, he was frozen in place, still obviously panic-stricken. I directed my thought more clearly towards him.

_Pass me my light and thermometer, Edward._ I waited for him to pass them to me, his movements uncharacteristically jerky, as I pondered the elusive scent. Ahh. I had it now. That would certainly explain the symptoms. I picked up my light to check Bella's pupils for confirmation of my theory. As I shone the light in her eyes she finally moved; just as Alice exploded into the room.


	4. Visions

APOV

I had been hunting when the vision hit. Jasper and I had separated from the others, intending to make a foray over the border to Canada. I had plans that included dinner and some special time alone with my husband. We had managed dinner (satisfying though not overly romantic) and were well into the special time when a vision of an unconscious Bella and a frantic Edward burst through my Jasper-induced haze. I had been making a special effort to watch out for Bella, as I knew Edward was terrified every time he left her to hunt. Still, it was unusual for anything non-Jasper related to penetrate my focus at times like these, so I was considerably startled. My confusion must have tipped Jasper off, as he ceased his talented ministrations and raised an eyebrow at me.

His face faded from my view as the vision took hold.

_Bella lay motionless on her bed as Edward slid through her window. He crept to her side and picked up her hand. He brought it up to his lips for a kiss then froze, the effect of stress on our kind. Moving again, he leant over and dropped a careful kiss on her forehead. Gently he shook her, once then again. Panic twisted his features as he raised Bella's upper body off the bed and held her in his arms. Suddenly galvanised into action, he grabbed Bella in his arm and jumped out the window, speeding into the forest._

"Alice." Jasper's voice brought me back to reality. I blinked, focusing on his face in front of me.

"Alice, what did you see?" A wave of calm washed through me, erasing the remnants of Edward's panic. I looked up into my husband's concerned eyes.

"I saw Bella. There is something wrong with Bella."

I felt my own panic start to rise as I said the words. We had only just gotten her back. I could not lose my best friend again. Edward was not the only one who had suffered during his doomed attempt to remove all danger from Bella's life. I started searching the future, trying to find a clue as to what was wrong. All I could see was Carlisle examining Bella, while Edward stood frozen, terror showing clearly on his face. His terror infected me again and I jumped up, anxious to get home. I didn't care what Edward said; I would bite her myself if necessary. We could not lose Bella again.

Jasper grabbed my hand before I could race off. "Alice, stop. Tell me what you see!"

"Let me go, Jazz," I spat at him, anger flaring underneath my panic. "I have to go. I can't lose her again. I can't."

As I struggled against his grasp, I felt again the wave of calm wash over me.

"You need to calm down, Ali," my husband chided gently. "Take a deep breath," he instructed. "Now look properly and tell me what you see."

I sat still as I flipped through the future, trying to find the happy ending I needed to see. Finally I found what I was looking for. I froze as I concentrated on the vision in front of me.

I was laughing before the vision was even finished.

"Come on, Jazz." I grabbed Jasper's hand and jumped up, still chortling.

"You're really gonna want to see this."

EPOV

_She's going to be fine, Edward. She'll be OK._

Alice showed me her vision of Bella lying on her bed laughing as Jasper set me a wave of calm. In another first for my vampire existence, I actually felt weak, weak with relief. The remains of my overwhelming terror dispersed and joy bubbled up inside me. I fell to my knees next to Bella as she twitched feebly.

"Bella? Can you hear me? Can you open your eyes, love?"

She shook her head and moaned again.

"Perhaps the room is too bright," murmured Carlisle. "Switch off the light, Alice."

Alice darted over to the main light switch while Carlisle turned on his desk lamp. With the dimmer light, the crease in Bella's brow smoothed out and her eyelids began to flutter.

"Bella, open your eyes please," I begged, desperate for her to wake and relieve my crushing worry.

Finally her eyes opened fully. I let myself drown in her chocolate depths, the only balm for my battered heart. Finally, I could breathe again. A slight frown crossed her face and she opened her mouth.

"Edward?" she croaked, her voice raw and cracked. I winced at the sound, so unlike my Bella's normal silken tones.

"Yes, love, I am here."

Her frown deepened. "What are you doing back?" she croaked again. Displeased by the sound, she tried to clear her throat. My fear made an abrupt reappearance at the wracking cough that shook her frail body. Vague memories from my human days of pain, heat, fear and loss resurrected in my mind. I looked up at Carlisle, silently pleading with him for answers.

_Keep calm please, Edward, _he commanded me, noting my rising panic. _She is going to be fine. _He moved into Bella's field of vision. "Bella, can you tell me what you remember?"

Bella's eyes widened at the sight of my father. "Carlisle?" She instinctively reached for her blankets to pull them up, but her groping hands came up empty. Bella sat bolt upright as she realised that she was no longer in her bed. Before I could say anything, the few vestiges of blood drained from her already pale face and she swayed, slumping back onto the couch cushions. She lay still with her eyes closed.

_EDWARD!_ Carlisle shouted at me silently, as I prepared to launch myself at my love. _ Would you PLEASE calm down and let me explain._

"Edward?" Bella, eyes still closed, spoke in an obvious attempt at a casual tone. "What on earth is going on?"

"Bella, can you tell me how you are feeling?" Carlisle slipped smoothly into doctor mode, relieving me of the need to answer her question.

"I'm fine, Carlisle," she replied sighing, eyes still closed. My Bella did not enjoy the fuss that she knew was about to ensue. I opened my mouth to argue with her. Carlisle shot me a look.

_Leave it with me, Edward. If you will just take a minute, I can tell you what the problem is. _

I ignored him, rushing into speech. "Bella, you have a temperature, elevated heart rate, congested lungs and a nasty cough. You were limp and unresponsive when I found you. Clearly, you are not fine."

Bella opened her beautiful eyes again. She looked first at Carlisle then moved her baleful glare to me.

"Is that what this is about?" she asked in disbelief. "You stole me from my house and dragged Carlisle away from whatever he was doing, because I was _too fast asleep?_"

"Bella, you wouldn't wake up, even when I shook you. You weren't breathing properly," I tried to defend myself again her accusing gaze.

My love sighed, uncharacteristically exasperated. "I have a cold, Edward. Just a cold. I took some cold medication to try and get over it before you got back. It always knocks me out." Unaccountably, she blushed a little at the end of her statement.

Alice started giggling uncontrollably in the corner of the room.


	5. Home

EPOV

I looked up to see Jasper grinning at me as he held his manic wife upright. Even Carlisle was having trouble keeping his face straight. Bella's blush deepened as she took in the additional witnesses in the room.

"But Bella, you wouldn't wake, your breathing..." I trailed off as her glare returned.

Carlisle jumped in, drawing her fire. "Edward, she wasn't unresponsive, she was asleep. If you had given me a minute, I could have explained. Bella is particularly sensitive to doxylamine succinate. I was trying to tell you that she had taken cold medication, which would explain her unconscious state." _I suspect that she probably took her normal dose, not calculating the extent of her weight loss, and overdosed slightly. Nothing to be too concerned with; she would have slept it off in time. I think you must have caught her at the deepest part of her sleep cycle._ "Her lung capacity was decreased because of her cold and slightly shallower because of the medication. Had you been human, you would barely have been able to tell the difference."

_You overreacted Edward and you panicked._ His mental voice was sympathetic._ I understand why, given your history, but now you need to explain yourself to Bella._

Bella's voice interrupted his silent message. "Carlisle, how do you know I am susceptible to cold medication?"

He smiled at her. "I have been one of your doctors, Bella. I have access to your medical records. It seemed prudent to check if you had any allergies or intolerances, given the circumstances."

Her eyes widened slightly as she digested this piece of information. She sent him an odd look.

"And have you checked them recently? Since you got back?"

He looked slightly abashed as he answered her. "Yes."

Bella's eyes flashed to me and then back to Carlisle. I looked up in time to see him shake his head slightly. Realising that he had my attention, Carlisle began to recite the names of all the muscles in the human body alphabetically in Latin. I recognised my family's favourite method of blocking me and resolved to confront Carlisle at a later date.

Bella relaxed back against the cushions. The tension drained from her face, leaving her looking exhausted. Alice pranced over to give her a hug. My sister's eyes widened in horror when she took in Bella's pyjamas, but wisely she said nothing. Alice contented herself with fussing over Bella's sleep knotted hair, muttering to herself about the dehydrated state of Bella's skin.

Carlisle took pity on my Bella after a minute. "Alright, the show is over. Alice and Jasper, let's give Bella and Edward some peace. Edward, you need to get Bella home before Charlie wakes up." _The last thing Charlie needs is to wake up to find Bella gone. Again. _"Bella, it has, as always, been a pleasure to see you again. I am sure that I shall see you soon at a more, umm, conventional hour."

_Edward, if you are still concerned about her breathing, I suggest you organise a nebuliser in the morning. Otherwise, she should be fine in a couple of days._

My love closed her eyes again, overcome with embarrassment. "Thank you, Carlisle. It was good to see you again, too." She opened her eyes to stare pointedly at Alice, who had rejoined Jasper in the doorway. "I'll see you at school, Alice."

Her glare shifted to me as I opened my mouth again to argue. I did not need to be able to hear her thoughts to read the warning she sent me.

_I'd quit while you are behind, Edward,_ Alice advised as she pulled Jasper out of the room, trying unsuccessfully to sound sympathetic. Jasper's parting image was one of me grovelling in front of a fuming Bella. Very humorous. I knew I would be hearing about this night for some time to come. At least I would be spared Emmett's attempts at humour for a few more days.

BPOV

I wanted to die. I just wanted to die of sheer embarrassment. Edward had taken me to his house in my pyjamas. Not the nice pyjamas I had bought to wear for him. Since I had known he would be away, and had been feeling lousy, I had worn my comfy old sweats and holey t-shirt to bed last night. I didn't need Edward's gift to know Alice was already planning a shopping trip for new pyjamas as soon as vampirically possible. And Carlisle, Edward's _father_, the man who would be my father-in-law if I ever acceded to Edward's wishes, had seen me in them. If only a hole would open in the floor and swallow me whole.

"Bella?" Edward's voice was unexpectedly tentative. "Will you look at me, please?"

I sighed and moved my gaze to his. He face was tense and his golden eyes were worried.

"Was this entirely necessary, Edward?" Could it actually have been any more humiliating?

"Bella, you wouldn't wake up. I was ...worried." My eyes turned curious at his pause. I waited silently for him to continue.

"I was terrified, Bella. You were unconscious, and all I could think was that I couldn't lose you." His voice dropped to a whisper. "I can't live without you, Bella. You are my life. I literally can't breathe without you."

My heart softened at his words. We hadn't discussed his trip to Italy since the night we got back. Clearly, Edward was still traumatised by it.

"Come here," I said softly, opening my arms. He went one better, stretching out on the sofa with me and enfolding me in his arms. A wave of exhaustion washed over me as I snuggled on his perfect chest. His cold skin was heaven against my overheated body. I was almost asleep when he moved away. I moaned, protesting his absence.

"You are shivering, sweetheart. Come on, let's get you home."

I sighed heavily and struggled to sit up so I could climb onto his back. Edward shook his head and reached down to pick me up. He cradled me to his chest gently and started out of the room. Alice was waiting for him by the front door holding a blanket. She tucked it around me securely and skipped back upstairs without saying a word.

Our trip back to my house was fast and silent. The cold air woke me up at little and I lay content in Edward's arms, my favourite place in the world, watching the trees speed by. After only a few minutes, Edward was scaling the tree next to my bedroom window. He deposited me on my bed and sat down next to me.

I drew in a deep breath to try and disguise a yawn. That proved to be a mistake. The cold air tickled my throat, causing a coughing fit. Edward held me while I struggled to get my breath, then lay me down on the bed, tucking the blankets around me snugly. After the heaven of his arms, I wasn't about to sleep alone again. The mere thought of being alone opened the crater in my chest, despite his physical presence. Throttling down the bleakness that the memories caused, I pulled the blankets back and scooted over so he could join me.

"I don't think so, love." His voice was amused.

The hole in my chest grew, even as I recognised the irrationality of it. I drew in another breath to settle myself and found myself hacking up a lung instead. All amusement vanished from Edward's voice as he soothed me through my wracking coughs. "Slow breaths, my Bella. Just breathe."

"Please, Edward." I begged shamelessly when I regained control of my lungs. "It's not as if you can catch my cold."

"I'm not worried about myself, Bella," he chastised me gently. "You are sick. I don't want you to get cold."

"But I can't sleep properly without you," I confessed. "Why do you think I took the medicine?"

He tried to look exasperated but his golden eyes glowed at me. "Well then, my only love, it's time you went back to sleep."

He tucked the blankets back down around me but came to lie on top of them next to me. I figured that was the best I was going to get and cuddled up to his side. Edward slid his arm underneath me and held me close. I was starting to drop back off to sleep when he spoke again.

"Bella, will you tell me something?" His voice was unusually serious.

"Of course, Edward. Anything." What would he want to know? My mind went back to the exchange with Carlisle about my medical records. I hoped he wouldn't ask about it – that was a conversation I really didn't want to have right now.

"Why didn't you tell me you were sick?"

I pushed my torso up on my elbow to see his face. His eyes were earnest, confused and a little hurt. I started to laugh.

"Honestly, Edward. After tonight, do you really have to ask that?"

I knew he would freak.


	6. Hiding

Part 2 - Hiding

EPOV

I watched silently as my Bella slept. I had watched her many times, but the novelty never palled. Tonight was different though. Tonight, I had thought I was going to lose her. Had my heart still been beating it would have been thundering in my chest. Echoes of the evening's emotional rollercoaster pulsed through my mind and yet again, I both blessed and cursed my perfect vampiric recall. I never wanted to feel that overwhelming combination of panic and gut-wrenching terror again but even that compared favourably to the agonising emptiness of my self-banishment from Bella.

Bella slumbered peacefully in my arms. She was usually a restless sleeper but tonight, whether from exhaustion or the drugs still coursing through her veins, she was quiet. As I so often was with Bella, I felt torn. I was glad she was sleeping soundly. Her body needed the recovery that only deep sleep could provide. And yet, I missed her voice. I missed her sleeping thoughts. They were my only entry into her remarkable mind and I craved them. The sweetest music could not compare to the magic of hearing my name fall from her unguarded lips as she whispered her love to me. Awake, my Bella was determinedly stoic but asleep she let her defences down and I loved every minute of it.

She shifted slightly, her soft human hand leaving a fiery trail over my frigid skin. I would never get over the wonder of her willing touch. I could not fathom what quirk in her incredible brain allowed her to lie here with me but I could never be sufficiently grateful to it. She was a miracle; and somehow, inexplicably, she was mine. She loved me, despite my flaws, despite the horror of my inhumanity, despite the pain I had caused her. Pain I knew I continued to cause, no matter how desperately she tried to hide it from me. The panic that flared in her eyes whenever I mentioned hunting had not escaped me. I loathed being the source of her fear, just as I loathed being the source of her conflict with Charlie.

But all that paled beside the loathing I felt for the deal she had struck with Carlisle. My love for her had come purely but how could it remain so when it resulted in such ... blasphemy. She was risking her soul and eternal damnation for me.

As always, the thought brought me a shameful thrill. As much as I loathed the risk to her soul, I could not deny the ecstasy of the future implicit in her promise of forever. To hold her in my arms without fear of hurting her. To kiss her thoroughly, completely unafraid. Part of me revelled in the thought, even as I was sickened by the idea of poisoning my only love.

I was a monster. I did not deserve this angel who rested in my arms. I had caused her nothing but pain. I had introduced her to my world, only to have James drive her from her home and break her fragile body. I had abandoned her to the mercies of hunting vampires and volatile werewolves. Her physical deterioration in my absence had left her body weakened, resulting in her current illness. I had left to protect her; I could not have failed more completely. Instead I had left her defenceless in every possibly way.

I shook my head. Brooding over my crimes would not help my Bella now. Incredibly, she had forgiven my transgressions. I vowed again to spend the rest of eternity attempting to deserve her. Bella's welfare must always come first in my world. I knew that only time could make her illness go away but surely I could help alleviate the symptoms. What did humans do when they were sick?

My phone vibrated in my pocket – I had a new message. Reaching down carefully, so as not to disturb Bella, I pulled the phone from my pocket and check the message. It was from Alice. I opened the text and started to laugh.

It was a list of ingredients for chicken soup.

BPOV

My room was uncharacteristically full of light when I woke. My head was filled with cotton and my throat felt as if I had swallowed razor blades. And Edward was gone.

I felt like crying.

Perhaps last night had just been some crazy, cold-medicine induced dream. Did that mean I would have to wait another whole day before I could see him again? For a moment I seriously considered taking another dose of medication and just going back to sleep. I preferred my Edward-filled dreams to my current Edwardless reality anyway.

I rolled over and felt a piece of paper crinkle under my cheek. Snatching it up, I unfolded the paper to find a note from Edward.

_My Bella,_

_ You were so soundly asleep I could not bear to wake you. I have gone to get some supplies for today. Please stay warm and safe until I return –I have discovered that I can not breathe without you._

_Edward_

"Sleeping beauty awakes," commented an amused voice from my window. Alice was casually perched on the window sill watching me with a smile. She hopped down and strolled over to the bed.

"How are you feeling?"

I opened my mouth to reply but nothing came out. I carefully cleared my throat, hoping to avoid the coughing. "Fine," I croaked.

Alice raised a sceptical eyebrow but chose not to make an issue of my blatant lie. I cleared my throat again.

"Where's Edward?" I asked, managing to sound slightly more human.

"He's gone shopping for supplies," Alice replied with what could only be described as a grin. "He wants to be able to take care of you. Don't worry, he'll be back in time for visiting hours."

I glanced at my clock. It was 9:30. Charlie's new policy on visiting hours, my punishment for the unexplained three day disappearance, meant that I would not see Edward until 1:00. My suspicions were aroused. What on earth did he need three and a half hours to shop for?

I frowned at Alice. "Exactly what kind on supplies does he need? Grocery shopping doesn't take that long."

Her answering grin wasn't even slightly repentant. "I did mention that there is a very good health food shop in Seattle."

"Alice," I whined in frustration.

"Sorry Bella. It was the only way to get him to leave. I didn't think you would want a fight with Charlie today and in any case, you two fighting would make Edward feel even worse."

She regarded me seriously, sadness seeping into her tawny eyes. "Bella, just let him take care of you today. He needs to feel that he can do something right for you. He feels such guilt for leaving the way he did. It's been weeks and he is still brooding over it. It was days after we returned before Jasper could even bear to be in the same room as Edward – he was in that much pain. Last night he was genuinely terrified that he would lose you. So just...play nice today, OK? Let him look after you for a little while."

I nodded mutely. I knew that Edward still felt guilty about leaving me. We never discussed it but I had seen the sadness in his eyes at times when he looked at me. He was constantly encouraging me to eat more (and I ate plenty) to try and make up the weight I had lost. I wished we could just forget it ever happened and move on but that was looking less and less like a viable option.

Alice bounded to her feet, her customary good mood restored. " I'd better go and say hi to Charlie. See you downstairs in 15 minutes." With that, she danced over to the window and disappeared. Seconds later, I heard the doorbell ring and Charlie's fond greeting. Visiting hours didn't apply to Alice; she had Charlie securely wrapped around her pixie fingers. I pried myself out of bed and prepared to face the day.


	7. Chicken soup

Chapter 7 – Chicken Soup

EPOV

I pushed my foot further down on the accelerator and screamed around the corner. I was in a hurry to be back with my Bella. I hadn't wanted to leave this morning when Alice appeared unexpectedly in Bella's window. It wasn't until she showed me the vision of Bella and Charlie fighting over my presence (Charlie at least was yelling, Bella was coughing too hard to yell back), that I agreed to leave until "visiting hours" began. Alice had helpfully provided me with a list of treatments for cold symptoms (she had included research papers on their effectiveness) and the address of a health food store in Seattle. I could only assume that she wanted to ensure my absence until the magical hour of 1:00.

I had decided to accede to her plan. I had no plans of my own; these days I did not seem to be capable of formulating ideas, let alone fully fledged plans, without my Bella. In the normal course of events, one of my family would take me hostage, usually to go hunting, until Bella was available. Sometimes I would just sit in the forest listening to her movements around the house, counting the seconds until I could see her again. I could not do that today though. Alice's vision of the fight did not change until I had agreed to drive to Seattle. Clearly I would not have been able to stay away knowing Bella was sick.

I glanced at the packages lining the backseat. My Bella would not be happy with me when she saw them. She did not like me to spend money on her at the best of times; she would be horrified when she saw what I had bought. The sales assistant at the health food shop had been very helpful. She had been genuinely sorry to hear of my girlfriend's illness and, out of some sort of feminine kinship, had kept her mental ogling of me to a minimum. As an unspoken token of my gratitude, I had accepted every item she gave me. The bill had come to a hefty total, not that I cared. I had been practically ecstatic to be able to buy my Bella something that she needed for once. It had probably not been entirely necessary to purchase the new electric blanket for Bella's bed. I entertained myself with a brief mental picture of her face when she found out. Maybe I should pass it off as a gift from Esme. Bella would never believe that it was a gift from Charlie.

Thoughts of Charlie brought the memory of Alice's vision to my mind. Charlie's face was contorted with rage as he watched me soothing Bella through a coughing fit. Without my normal access to his thoughts, the reason for his fury was unclear to me, but the target was not. I had long since ceased to hope that Bella's happiness at my return would cause a softening of Charlie's attitude towards me. To be honest, in some ways I welcomed his hatred. It seemed an apt penance for my excruciatingly bad judgement in my treatment of his daughter. Bella had forgiven me easily, too easily I often thought, given the pain I had caused her. Charlie had not; I wondered if he ever would. Bella's threat to move out kept him from banning me from the house entirely. Instead, he vacillated between treating me with open contempt and ignoring my presence with icy disdain. Had he but known it, his constant stream of mental invective, interspersed with images of Bella's face – sometimes streaked with tears, other times chillingly empty – was the greatest punishment he could possibly have devised.

I turned the corner into Bella's street and glanced at the clock. 12:53. Still seven more minutes until I could see my love. Charlie took vindictive pleasure in denying my entrance until official visiting hours began. In an effort to keep the peace between Bella and her father, I usually made sure I waited out of sight until the minute I was allowed inside. Today I was too eager to see she her, to hear her heartbeat and know that she was still safe.

I pulled the car in to stop in front of Bella's house. Miraculously, the Chief's cruiser was missing from its normal spot. Was it possible that he had actually gone fishing today? He hadn't been fishing since our return from Italy –only too clearly demonstrating his complete lack of faith in me.

_The coast is clear, Edward. Come on in._

Alice. This could only be Alice's doing. I grabbed the bags with perishable groceries from the backseat and bounded towards the door.

BPOV

I jumped up off the couch and raced to the front door. All my aches and pains were forgotten in my hurry to see Edward again. He was early, for which I was profoundly grateful. The last ten minutes before his arrival were always painfully slow; today I thought the clock had actually stopped. Goodness only knows what kind of state I would have been in if I had been made to wait another five minutes.

I yanked the door open and breathed a sigh of relief. The fear lessened every time I saw him but it hadn't yet completely disappeared. My heart trusted Edward, but my body could never believe he would reappear until I saw him again. My eyes travelled his breathtaking face until I found his eyes and I gladly drowned in their golden depths. The rest of the world disappeared as Edward raised his hand and gently cupped my cheek.

"Would you like me to get the rest of them?"

Alice's voice jerked me out of my stupor. I glanced over at her to find her smirking at Edward, left eyebrow cocked mockingly. For his part, Edward was glaring balefully back. I was wondering what she was saying to him when the import of her question hit me. Rest of what, exactly?

I looked down for the first time and finally noticed the bags in Edward's other hand. Alice's comment about the health food shop rang in my ears and I groaned. How many other bags could there be and would he really expect me to take all that stuff? Tons and yes, my brain answered me. This was Edward. Now I would have to contend with dazzlement and soft pleading for me to take 400 different supplements in his quest to have my health restored.

I raised my eyes back up to his face. Sure enough, the pleading look was already on his face. Obviously my reluctance was anticipated. I tried to infuse a sense of outrage into my voice.

"What is all this, Edward?"

He offered me a disarming smile. "I am going to make you chicken soup, Bella."

I sat at the kitchen table staring in disgust at the collection of bottles in front of me. I did not even recognise most of the names on the bottles. Those I did recognise I had never taken in my life, with the sole exception of Vitamin C (and I had already consumed my daily dose of that). I was trying to decide which of the collection I could bear to take whilst Edward pottered around the kitchen readying the ingredients for the soup. It was a strangely domestic scene – unusual in my time with Edward but comforting. Edward had wanted me to recline in luxury on the lounge room couch – to "rest and recover" as he put it. In retaliation I had suggested that since I was the human, I should do the cooking. We had compromised on me sitting in the kitchen while Edward did the cooking.

Alice had left soon after Edward arrived, giving me a quick kiss and informing me that I had a date with a shopping mall as soon as I was better. I shuddered to think of the experience that was inevitably coming my way but chose to deal with it another day. Time alone with Edward was too precious to ruin by worrying over Alice's plans for my wardrobe.

For sheer entertainment value, Edward in the kitchen beat the television hands down. I smiled as I took in the evidence of his devotion to me. His beautiful face was screwed up in a look of absolute concentration as he studied the recipe as if it held the answer to the secrets of life. Failure was clearly not an option. Edward put the recipe book aside and picked up the chicken, a grimace of distaste marring his perfect features. I marvelled again at the lengths to which he would go to keep me safe and healthy. He picked up a knife and I settled back and prepared to enjoy the show.

"Wow Edward, that was fantastic!" Unusually, Edward had joined us for dinner that evening. I guessed that he wanted to ensure that I actually ate the soup he had slaved over (apparently Carlisle had told Edward that I needed to keep my fluids up). I sent Charlie a meaningful look. He only grunted, unable to bring himself to say anything complimentary to my boyfriend. Charlie was still sulking that he had come home to find Edward instead of Alice. I opened my mouth to reprimand him but Edward shook his head in quick negation. Fine – I would deal with my dad later. Charlie pushed his chair back and, with another grunt, strode into the lounge room. A second later the television was blaring.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly to Edward, embarrassment at Charlie's behaviour bringing the inevitable blush to my face. Edward reached up and brushed my cheek with cool, gentle fingers.

"Don't be sorry, sweetheart. It's not your fault. I don't blame Charlie for being angry with me. He loves you very much."

I sighed. "I know – he just doesn't seem to be able to trust my choices." I stood up and began collecting the dishes to take them to the sink.

A cold hand clamped over my wrist. "What are you doing?"

I looked up at Edward's frowning face in confusion. "I'm doing the dishes. You made dinner, I'll clean up."

"I don't think so, Bella. You should go and rest."

I made a face at him. "Edward, I have been resting all day. I think I can handle washing the dishes."

He sighed, "Don't be difficult, Bella. You are sick and you need to rest. I can do the dishes in half the time that you can."

I stiffened and turned away. "I'm not being difficult, Edward. I want to do something to help. You made dinner. It is only fair that I clean up."

Edward materialised in front of me. He tipped my chin up so that I was looking directly into his eyes. "Please Bella. Just let me take care of you for once."

My breath started coming faster as I stared up into Edward's beautiful face. I was pinned by his burning, golden gaze. Slowly, he moved in until his lips pressed gently against my own. I threw caution to the wind, as I always did, and rose up on my toes, pressing myself deeper into his kiss.

I was lightheaded from lack of oxygen when he ran his hands down to my shoulders and carefully pushed me back. The trademark smirk was firmly in place. "I'll be doing the dishes. You go and rest."

I nodded silently and made my way towards the lounge room. Charlie was due for a little talk about manners anyway.


	8. Memories

EPOV

I sat on the lumpy couch in Bella's lounge room and pretended to watch the game blaring on the television screen. Bella sat snuggled into my side, her breathing even as she dozed. Despite her complaints about my coddling, she was more tired than she thought. This illness, minor though it was, was taking its toll on her depleted body. I listened to her breathe for a few more moments. The congestion was still there but it had started to clear. A few more days and she should be back to normal, provided she looked after herself. I snorted softly to myself. Of course she wouldn't look after herself; when did my Bella ever think about her own needs first? I would have to do the job for her.

Charlie shifted in his chair, sending me a quick glare. His muted thoughts were a constant background grumble; a mixture of anger at me and disgust at the sportsmen he was watching. Movement on the television took his attention again and he turned back to the screen.

I glanced around the lounge trying to settle myself. I hated being in this room, thought I had not mentioned it to Bella when she suggested we sit in here tonight. I had avoided it successfully until now. Usually Bella and I sat in the kitchen doing homework, but this evening I wanted her body to be able to relax. Of course, her bedroom was completely out of the question. Charlie would have a coronary at the thought of us together alone in Bella's room. I tried to wallow in the memories of our time in her bedroom – the feel of her sleeping in her arms, the scent of her hair, the love we had declared for each other on so many occasions.

But I my solace was denied me. The memories from this room overwhelmed me. The last time I had sat here I had been planning to leave. I had separated myself from Bella, deliberately causing her pain and confusion, knowing that I was going to abandon her. Even the feel of her lying softly against me could not damp the remorse and disgust at my betrayal. Not for the first time, I could not help but marvel at Bella's capacity for forgiveness and love. And with the swelling of my love in my silent heart I was finally able to seek solitude in my memories of her.

Charlie POV

I watched my daughter out of the corner of my eye. She had scooted up underneath the boy's arm, her head resting comfortably on his chest. She looked so content; finally peaceful. After so many months of watching her trying to hold together the pieces of herself I supposed I should be grateful. But I couldn't. Not when the source of her comfort was the author of all her pain.

I couldn't fathom why she went back to him or how she could have forgiven him for leaving without a word. I wanted to scream at him for so much as looking at her and at her for letting him. After all the damage he had caused, it made my blood boil to let him into the house. But Bella had made it very clear who she would chose and it would not be me. I had only just gotten her back. I couldn't lose my girl again. Not yet.

She had run from me twice; both times his fault. The first time she had ended up in hospital. His fault. She wouldn't have even been in that hotel, shouldn't have even been in Phoenix, if not for him. I still didn't know what he had said to scare her into running. She just forgave him and came home. She always forgave him.

The second time she had just disappeared. For three days she was just gone. I went out of my mind. I was about to ring the local hospitals when she reappeared. In his arms. As if nothing had happened. As if he deserved to be in the same room as her, let alone actually touching her.

_How? How could she forgive him and just pretend that nothing had happened? _

I looked up at the clock. Finally. 9:25. Five more minutes and I could kick him out of my house. It was the high point of my day. If only she didn't look so lost without him.

_Why? Why couldn't it have been anyone else that she loved so much?_ Jake was nuts about her. He was a good kid. _He _wouldnever hurt her. What was this hold that Edward had over her?

I cleared my throat. Time to get this show moving. I wouldn't have him in my house a minute longer than I had to.

Bella stirred against Edward's shoulder. She blinked owlishly for a minute and I almost felt guilty for disturbing her peace. The boy looked down at her with a soft smile. "Welcome back," he said. In that moment, I couldn't deny he loved her. Bastard.

Bella drew in a deep breath and started to stretch. The breath caught in her throat and she began to cough. Hmm, I guessed it sounded better than last night but if it wasn't any better in a couple of days I would send her to Dr Gerandy. I smiled wryly to myself; she wouldn't like that. The smile faded. She'd probably want to see _his_ father.

I looked over to see the boy's hands on her back, soothing her through the coughing spasm. He was touching her again. It made my blood pressure rise and my heart ache to see it was him my Bella turned to for comfort. He didn't deserve her.

I didn't want to stay in that room and watch them any longer. Watch his hands slide over her back. I didn't want to think about where else on my baby girl those hands might go. I knew what teenage boys were like and how they thought. I had certainly busted enough teenagers in public places in my years as a cop.

_If I caught him touching her like that I'd tear him limb from limb. _

I stood up, preparing to give Bella her five minute warning. I usually left them alone to say goodbye. I couldn't stand the loss and the fragments of terror in my Bella's eyes as she watched him leave.

"Five minutes, Bells. You can see him at school tomorrow."

I turned towards the door but Edward stood up before I could escape.

"Actually Charlie, I wanted to talk to you about that. Bella has a temperature. If it doesn't go down tonight, I think she should stay home from school tomorrow."

I turned back around to face him, my hands clenching against my side. He had the gall to tell me how to care for my daughter. When it was _his_ fault, _his_ departure, her mad dash to get to _him_ that had left her susceptible to this illness. I could feel the anger growing.

"Edward," Bella protested, looking up at him from the couch. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm fine. I don't need to stay home from school for a cold."

He knelt down in front of her, taking her hands and holding them to his chest.

"You aren't fine, Bella. You are ill and you need to stay home and get well again. I worry about you, sweetheart. I want you to be happy and healthy."

Incandescent fury surged through my body. I could feel my blood pressure rising until my head felt hot and tight. Memories flashed through my mind in quick succession – Bella sobbing quietly into a pillow as I peeked through her door; my desperate race to reach her as she screamed after yet another nightmare; clothes flying around the room as she yelled at a shocked Renee; morning after morning, night after night, as she sat and pretended to eat, not talking, barely conscious of the world around her. And the worst memory, the one I would give anything to erase – the blank emptiness of her face as she lay on her bed, ignoring the sandwich I had brought her, silent and unnaturally still, barely breathing as I watched her helplessly.

_Catatonic. She was catatonic for a week after he left. He dares to stand there and say ... she wouldn't eat... she is still so thin...she was lost, gone, I couldn't get her back and it was HIS FAULT. _

For the first time in my career, I honestly wanted to shoot someone.

I must have made a sound because Edward's head whipped up to face me. He met my gaze with horrified eyes, shock etched in sharp lines over his face. I stared at him, wanting more than anything in this moment for him to be able to see what I had seen. For him to know beyond a shadow of a doubt the damage he had done. Because he had done this to my Bella and he should have to live with the consequences.

"Dad?" Bella's confused voice snapped me out of my rage. My fingers itched to pick up that boy and boot him out of my house and out of her life forever. But I couldn't; not if I wanted to keep my daughter. All I could do was hope that someday that Bella would do that for herself.

I pulled myself together and looked at my daughter. "Two minutes left, Bella. Then he needs to leave."

I walked out of the room.


	9. Run

EPOV

I ran through the forest, for the first time frantic to get away from Bella's house. My exertion was in vain; I could not escape what I had seen. Charlie's fury had given his thoughts surprising power and I had been forced to watch his memories in horrifying clarity. Bella and I did not discuss our time apart; if Alice had seen anything of Bella's life in my absence, she had mercifully kept it to herself. I had castigated myself for every ounce lost, every minute of sleep she had missed, every trace of fear I had seen in her eyes.

But this was worse. Charlie's memory of the chilling emptiness in my Bella's beautiful eyes seared through me like a line of white hot fire. I had done that. This was not a matter of forgetting to eat or not washing her hair for a couple of days. She had been catatonic. I had taken her will to live and left her with nothing.

Other memories surfaced. Her room the night after we arrived home from Italy. Gone were her favourite books strewn around the room. There was no pile of CDs perched precariously on her dresser. No pen scattered on the desk, no scraps of paper with half written essays.

I had told her that it would be as if I had never existed. Instead, it was as if I had destroyed her existence.

I had managed to pull myself together as Charlie left the room. I had said a tender good night to my love, manoeuvring to ensure that she would not get a good look in my eyes. After 90 years of practice I could control my face well but I knew I couldn't hide the torture in my eyes. Now I ran, desperate for some relief, some measure of self control before I had to face her again.

And some answers. Certain members of my family and I were going to talk.

Alice was waiting for me on the front steps of the house. She smiled up at me but her eyes were troubled.

_You wished to see me, brother?_

"Yes," I growled, not bothering to disguise my growing anger. "And I think you know why, Alice."

She simply sat, waiting for me to begin, deliberately hiding her thoughts. I paced in front her, letting my temper fuel my movements. Anger was good. Anything was better than the torture of those memories. I whirled to face my sister.

"Did you know?"

She kept her face and her mind blank. "Did I know what, Edward?"

"Did you know about what happened after I left? About the," I choked, scarcely able to say the word, "the catatonia."

"Yes," she replied, her voice flat.

A maelstrom of emotion whipped through me; betrayal, anger, pain, guilt and a deep sense of utter helplessness.

"Why?" I whispered, my voice as broken as the rest of me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"My sister sighed, her tense body softening at the pain in my voice. "Bella asked me not to."

I gaped at her, unable to form the words, and she sighed again, patting the ground next to her in an invitation for me to sit. She waited until I was settled then turned to face me.

"Bella overheard Charlie telling me what had happened after we left. We didn't have any time to discuss it. We had to fly to Italy to bring someone home. "

I winced at her words. _Sorry_, she sent.

I took a deep breath and gestured for her to continue.

"When we got back, she asked me not to mention it to you."

"Why, Alice? Why would she hide that from me?"

"She didn't want to hurt you, Edward. You might be stronger than her physically, but she knows you. She knows how you react when she it hurt."

_She knows how you react when you think it is your fault._

I winced again at Alice's reminder of my leaving. The consequences of my actions were like a Hydra. I seemed to deal with one only to have it multiply and return even stronger.

I buried my face in my hands, my shoulders slumped and my eyes burning. I yearned for the relief of tears.

"I don't know how to fix this, Alice. I hurt her so much."

I felt Alice's tiny arm sling around my shoulders and leant my head over to rest on hers. The comfort of her silent sympathy caused the words to come gushing out of me.

"The things I saw in Charlie's memories, Alice. She looked so empty, as if I had sucked the life completely out of her. At night she screamed in terror from the nightmares I left her with. She was all alone. I left her with nothing; no-one to talk to, no-one to protect her. Anything could have happened to her. The werewolves. They're not safe but she calls _him_ every night when she thinks I can't hear her.

And now this. She's hiding things from me. She doesn't trust me. Of course she doesn't trust me, I abandoned her. She shouldn't trust me. I'm the monster who broke her heart and left her lying in the middle of a forest. I've seen Charlie's memories of that night. Did you know one of _them_ found her? Carried her back to Charlie's house? He was thinking about it the night we came back from Italy. The werewolf held her in his arms and it makes me sick to think of it..."

I became aware of Alice stroking my hair and making vague shushing noises, trying to halt my breakdown. We sat in silence for a minute.

Finally I spoke, my voice again reduced to a whisper. "She was catatonic for a week. She wouldn't eat or talk. What if.." my voice failed me. I turned to face my sister.

"Have I damaged her permanently? Will her health recover?"

The vision flashing into Alice's mind; the one I both loathed and longed for. Bella and Alice sitting together, arms around each other. This time though, their eyes were an identical tawny colour. As before I could not read the secrets they hid.

Then it was gone. _It's what she wants, Edward._

"It doesn't answer my question, Alice."

"I can't give you the answer. I don't see any long-term health problems for her if that helps."

I did help but not enough. I needed expert advice, from the person whose advice I valued the most.

I needed Carlisle.

I hadn't forgotten his admission from last night. He had read Bella's medical records. It finally occurred to me to wonder why. Carlisle took patient privacy very seriously; he knew only too well the need to protect secrets. He would never have looked at Bella's records on a whim. He must have had a reason. Was it just her lost weight? Or was there something more? Something I had missed.

I had to see him. I needed to know exactly what damage I had done. I stood and started moving towards the house. I would have this out with my father now.

_Charlie will be going to bed in ten minutes._

I changed direction without a word.

I needed to see my Bella more.


	10. Questions

AN: So I have finally figured out how to add author's notes! It is different from Twilighted so it took me a while. I want to say to all of you who read and review, thank you so much for sticking with me. I know I update this story very intermittently and it means a great deal that you have faith. I hope you like the next update.

BPOV

I sat on my bed and fumed.

I was being treated like a child by everyone and I was tired of it. I had a cold, for goodness sake; I wasn't dying of pneumonia. It was just a cold. The way Edward was carrying on you would think they were about to measure me for my coffin. And Charlie was no better. As soon as Edward had left, Charlie had sat me down and forced me to take my temperature. Seeing Charlie play the concerned parent would have been sweet, if I hadn't been so annoyed. When it came back a little high he informed me I wouldn't be going to school until it came down. He was visibly torn between violent disgust at having to agree with Edward and vindictive pleasure that if I was at home then Edward couldn't be with me. I could see him planning to ban Edward on the grounds that I was infectious. If only he knew how specious that argument was.

I was so grumpy at Edward that I was almost ready to play alone. I knew I never would though. Being parted from Edward hurt me as much as it would hurt him. He was just being so...unreasonable. I wasn't china; I wouldn't break. Edward seemed duty bound to protect me against everything, even myself it seemed. Intellectually I knew how difficult this must be for him. I was ill, hurt by something he could not protect me from, and there was nothing he could do to make it better. But the understanding part of me was being drowned out by sheer irritation at his highhandness.

I was human. What did he expect was going to happen to me? I would only become more frail as I aged, I seethed, conveniently ignoring the many years of good health that statistically lay before me. If he didn't think I could handle schoolwork with a cold, how did he envisage our life together? Was I to be cocooned in bubble wrap all my life? Surely it was my body, my choice.

I snorted. Edward had obviously missed the Women's Liberation movement. In his eyes, it was his responsibility to care for me; with or without my consent apparently. I wondered idly to what lengths he would go to keep me safe. ...

I was being silly. Edward was just worried about me. He wasn't unreasonable or a tyrant. He wouldn't keep me from anything against my will. Not even school, which he loathed. I had a brief mental image of Edward kidnapping me and giggled. No, even Edward would not go that far.

The game was still blaring downstairs but it would be ending soon. I estimated Edward would be back in about half an hour. He seemed to find it harder to stay away when I was sick. I might as well use this time to get ready for bed. I grabbed my toiletries bag and headed for the bathroom. Maybe a hot shower would help me calm down.

Twenty minutes later I was showered, hair washed, teeth brushed and dressed. Decent pyjamas this time. After last night's humiliation, I vowed the baggy sweats were going to be retired. I was still angry though. Edward and I needed to talk a bit about boundaries and decision making. I settled on my bed with a book and pretended to read.

A movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. I stood up as Edward slid through my window and prepared to unleash. One look at his face, and the words stuck in my throat.

His face was too careful, too composed. Only his eyes showed any emotion; they screamed his pain. I felt as if all the oxygen had been sucked from my body as I stared at him. He moved towards me quickly, coming to a stop directly in front of me. Slowly, hesitantly, as if he was afraid to touch me, he reached out his hand to cup my cheek. I turned my head slightly to settle it into his hand and looked up at him through my half-closed lashes.

The hand on my cheek tightened as his other hand rushed up to seize my face. His face descended rapidly towards mine as my eyes fluttered closed. His lips were hard against mine, not as careful as he usually was. This kiss was desperate, almost frantic. It made my heart pound furiously, but for all the wrong reasons.

He had kissed me this way twice before. Last time I had struggled to recognise it; this time I had no difficulty making the connection. He had kissed me this way on my eighteenth birthday. Three days later, he was gone.

He broke off the kiss, ducking his head as if to hide from me. He manoeuvred me towards the bed and sat us down, pulling me into his side under his arm. It seemed as if he was deliberately positioning me so that I couldn't look at him.

"How are you feeling?" His voice was smooth velvet with no indication that anything was wrong. But I couldn't forget how easily he had lied to me before.

"Fine."

I didn't trust myself to say any more. I knew I needed to ask what was wrong, but I was terrified of the answer. He had told me he would never leave again. I scrambled for the certainty I had felt that night but all I felt was my growing fear. I couldn't do it again. This time I would shatter for sure.

He sighed. He hated when I used that word, but obviously didn't want to argue with me tonight.

"It's getting late, my Bella. You are tired, you need your rest. Lie back and I'll sing you to sleep."

I didn't want to sleep. I was too scared to close my eyes; terrified of what I might find when I woke.

Would he still be there in the morning?

I fought with all I had to stay awake. My body was sick and exhausted; still, I gathered my strength and battled to keep my eyes open. Edward had sung my lullaby four times before eventually, grudgingly, I slept.

EPOV

Bella's breathing evened out as she finally drifted off to sleep. I took a moment to study her face. I envied her peace. I would do anything, pay any price, to be human again, to share the experience of sleep with my Bella. To revel in the bliss of laying down my burdens in sleep.

Her sleep was not always peaceful. Even now she was plagued with nightmares every few nights. Any time that I was away from her guaranteed their appearance, even if I was just outside her bedroom window. My arm tightened infinitesimally around her. I wanted to crush her to me, cover her face with kisses, feel her heartbeat pound through my body and her hands leave fiery trails of desire along my skin. And yet, too well I knew that I did not deserve to so much as touch her. I had meant to keep a respectful distance, be a gentleman, as I came in. She was still sick; surely she would not want to be mauled. But, once again, my desire for her had overridden every other concern. I had been unable to help kissing her, desperate to find a way to express my contrition to her. The pull she had over every aspect of me...

_Edward._

Alice appeared in Bella's bedroom window.

"Carlisle is waiting for you."

I scowled at her. The only way Carlisle would be waiting for me would be if Alice told him to. What was she up to? Her mind was carefully blank.

I looked back down at the sleeping girl beside me. I couldn't leave her; I couldn't disturb that peace.

"I can't leave, Alice. She still has nightmares."

"I know." Her voice was sympathetic. "I'll stay with her. Jasper is just outside; he can help if I need."

I opened my mouth to object but she pinned me with her stare.

_Don't you dare suggest I would do anything to endanger her, Edward. This is as much for her benefit as it is for yours. _

Nothing in her tone suggested that she would budge. Perhaps it would be a good idea to go and see Carlisle. I could be in and out before Bella even woke. Carlisle could tell me all I needed to know.

Alice's smile became more pronounced as she saw my acceptance of her plans. Her mind, however, remained stubbornly blank.

_Go Edward. I'll watch her until you get back._

Bowing to the inevitable, I relinquished my spot next to Bella and prepared to jump out of her window.

I took off home at my fastest speed. I wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible and get back to my Bella. Carlisle was waiting for me in his study, as promised. He looked up from his book and eyed me sombrely.

"Have a seat, Edward. Alice said you wished to speak to me." Carlisle's voice was careful and his mind firmly under control.

I nodded. "Did she tell you why?"

"Only that it had to do with Bella."

I ignored the chair, choosing instead to pace around the small room. I still felt pent-up, overwhelmed, by the events of the evening. It was too much, the fear and terror of last night, the light-hearted joy of the day with my love, then the agony of Charlie's memories. I felt battered, beset on all sides.

"Sit down, Edward, and tell me what the problem is. I can't help unless you talk to me." His voice was kinder now, the father I came to with my most vexing problems. I dropped into the chair and looked across at him, clasping my hands together in my lap.

"I wanted to ask...I need to know...I.." I was out of words. How did I ask the man I respected more than any other if I had permanently damaged the girl I loved more than life itself?

Carlisle sat silently as I searched for words, for control, for anything that would help me through this moment. A vision of Bella sleeping peacefully in her bed flashed into my mind and a sense of peace and purpose flooded through me. I needed to get this done, for both of us, so I could return to her side.

"Carlisle, I need to know if my actions have caused Bella irreparable harm."

He considered me appraisingly for a moment.

"Why?"

I mentally spluttered for a moment. "I beg your pardon?"

He cocked his head to the side and elaborated. "Why do you need to know? Does it make a difference to how you feel about her?"

"No," I said shortly, "Of course not. I just need to know if there is anything I need to watch out for. To keep her safe."

He gave me a small, sympathetic smile. "You can't protect her from everything, Edward. She has a cold. It is a normal human illness. Nothing to worry about. She should be better in a couple of days. In fact, I imagine you will start to see improvement in the next twelve hours."

"Why did she get the cold, Carlisle? She is still so thin. Her immune system cannot possibly be functioning to capacity. Will she always be like this? Will she pick up every random virus? You checked her medical records. You must have had a reason." The terror of the previous night returned full force. Carlisle would never have opened her file out of idle curiosity; he viewed patient privacy as too important to do that.

Carlisle sighed. "I'm sorry, Edward. I can't discuss Bella's medical history with you."

"I know what happened when I left, Carlisle," I argued. "I know about the catatonia. Charlie was thinking about it tonight before I left. Don't you see? I did that. It's my fault. I need to know the consequences so I can fix it!" By the end I was almost yelling, all my frustrations rising and the need to make my father understand propelling me forward.

"I understand that you are upset, Edward." My father's voice was sympathetic but firm. "But you are not Bella's husband, nor are you her next-of-kin. I cannot discuss Bella's medical history with you. If you want more information, you will need to talk to Bella."

I knew that decisive tone; Carlisle would not change his mind, regardless of my arguments. I would have to find out myself. It would be time consuming but not difficult to break into the records department of the hospital. I checked my watch to see if I had time this evening before getting back to Bella.

"Edward." Carlisle was abruptly stern. "I trust that you will not violate Bella's privacy for the sake of your own personal problems. I will be extremely displeased should I discover that you have looked at Bella's medical records without her consent."

He met my eyes with no hint the compassion that usually resided there. "I understand you are worried, but as Bella's doctor her well-being is my paramount concern. It is my responsibility to protect her privacy. Please don't make me tell her that you have breached it."

I stood then. Clearly, there was no longer any point to this conversation and I was wasting time that could better be spent with my Bella. Wordlessly, I turned away from my father and moved towards the door.

"Edward?" His voice was tentative as he spoke my name. I turned back to him and stood silently waiting for him to speak.

"Alice says that it will be a fine day tomorrow. Bella will be perfectly safe to go outside as long as she keeps warm and hydrated."

I turned away again. I didn't care what any of them said. Bella would be going to school in the morning over my cold, undead body.

I must confess the other reason for the delay is in updating is that I have been seduced into the world of contests. I never thought I would write AU or AH but I wrote an AH one-shot for the Plot Bunny contest. And, unbelievably, it came third in the Judge's Selection Round. Wow! If you would like to take a look, it is under my profile here, or on my page .net/u/2315242/

A word of warning - it deserves the M rating. Please, if you are underage, PM me and I will send you a more appropriate version. It is, however, full of angst (so a lot like this really).

I also wrote a one-shot for the Love for the Unloved contest. It is also very M rated so please, don't read if you are underage!


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